Monday, October 25, 2010
Crisp Fall air slips in past the small holes in the screens on your open windows as the soft sunlight creeps up over the horizon seeping into your contently closed eyelids. Your body starts to stir feeling the sharp chill of early morning and everything inside of you starts to move and work until your eyelids slowly flutter open. You take your first conscious breath full of new day air and the message is sent: It is morning.
If you are like most people your throat gives a sort of pitiful raspy raw groan and your rigid body resists by forcefully slamming shut your tired eyeballs. It ends with your blankets being thrown violently over your head as you fully fight to re-realize, yes sleepy time is in fact over and a new work day has arrived. Joy.
We are tired, coffee has not been yet made or bought, and you have a full day of endless work looming over you like a black cloud. Maybe morning takes a bit if rethinking. A new way of looking at those first few brilliant golden rays of morning light. Perhaps, I am the only person on this giant blue glowing planet that feels any sort of positivity when my body blossoms to that woken state in the early morning hours. To that I will say this: The positivity that I create for myself as soon as I wake up is immeasurable.
Instead of waking up and thinking about what I haven't done yet or how tired I am because I perhaps stayed up too late having drinks with friends or working I focus on the positive. I turn it around and think about what fun it was to catch up with people the night before or look st all I got done before today and ask myself "HOW can I keep this awesome thing going today? What can I accomplish today?". I answer myself and say: anything I can imagine and however I can do it. After all, I am here and that in itself is amazing.
The one thought that binds it all together is: One day at a time, one thing at a time. All we can do is do our best and keep on going.
After all, on this Monday, we are still human unless anyone wants to fess up to anything otherwise!
P.S. - Always have something to look forward to every day even if it is something silly like a small packet of Craisins you forgot about and are going to snack on. The little things are the best sometimes!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
As the sunlight filters into the old foggy old glass warehouse windows of my new office I am left wondering this: When I hear someone say "I finally got myself a big person job!"...what DOES that mean?
What constitutes a "real world" job versus a "fake world" job? All the jobs that I have ever had seemed quite real world to me and not some Super Mario World type gigs. I ask because I worked at Nordstrom for three months and a lot of people would tell me that it was just temporary until I could get my "real job". I finally landed myself a job as Customer Service Representative for a local business and all of a sudden I am in the real world. Here is why I think they are wrong.
Guidelines for a "Big Person" Job:
- Dental/Medical Benefits
- Are you working with people around your age or above?
What do you think?
Friday, October 8, 2010
1. Aberfeldy - Summer's Gone
2. The New Pornographers - Slow Decent (Into Alcoholism)
3. The Mae Shi - Smile On
4. OK Go! - Here It Goes Again
5. Architecture in Helsinki - Hold Music
6. Feist -1,2,3,4
7. Ingrid Michaelson - Be Ok
8. Fiery Furnaces - Tropical Iceland
9. Guster - Manifest Destiny
10. The Pogues - Sunny Side of the Street
Feel good Friday needs its own soundtrack and I promise that this will deliver some Feel Good Friday vibes right down to the beat of your soul! It is always nice to kick start a great weekend with some seriously uplifting tunes. After all, we did get through another week and that is an accomplishment in itself!
Enjoy and Happy Friday Everyone!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Silly me, I guess I have wandered off the set path of this journal, now didn't I? It is always funny how you start something with a direct purpose and more often then not that purpose is long forgotten as it turns into something else entirely. The artistic process is a tricky funny thing. I suppose we can also call it going with the moment and growing with the project if we want to. I digress...because I am happy with it.
In the last week, while the stress of the weekend before caught up with me, this alarming repetitive pang hit my insides. I was restless, anxiety ridden, and not yet sure what this pang meant but it kept gnawing at me. It kept eating at my insides and making me feel like I wanted to burst into a plethora of emotions...and I did... inappropriately in the back stock room of my job on Saturday after a long hard day of fighting for sales and commission with another co-worker (the term "tag-team" eludes her I am afraid). At that moment I knew what it was telling me: Get out.... GET out... GET OUT!!!
Get out of what? Oh yeah, the job that I was in and doing really well at.
It is no secret that I work at Nordstrom in the hosiery department and for the most part I really think that the company is top notch with co-workers that are of the same caliber. I have honestly learned a lot about myself from working here and I have made some of the most enjoyable friends as text-book as that really sounds. I have also done exceedingly well in a VERY short amount of time. It is challenging to get on top and it is even more challenging to stay on top. That is what I love the most about the job. In saying all that, I have also sacrificed a lot of myself to make certain job goals and it has taken its toll on me little bit by little bit.
When I agreed to move out to Pennsylvania I always knew that I could go home to my family on the weekends if I needed to and because of the nature of my previous jobs as a teacher, I did for the past two years. I am sure by now, you have figured out that my family means a whole heck of a lot to me. When my heart was no longer attached to teaching, I had no where to go and so I signed up for retail until I could figure it out. Ultimately, this has meant the loss of my weekends, my time with my family, and time with John and our friends.
It has been tough but I have done it and well at that but, with recent events, I can't find any good reason to sacrifice that part of myself anymore when that part is more important that anything else I can do in this world. I can admit to myself that my scare with John has left with me permanently worried that my time with people is fleeting and that at any moment they can be taken away from me. We all want more time with those that we love but really I want a healthy life balance. I firmly believe that a healthy balance of the things that make you happy is the most important thing you can do for yourself.
So I guess I stand at a crossroads where there is nothing written on the signs going in every which direction. When I find that balance I know it will be much easier to read those signs and see which way I need to go.