Friday, September 10, 2010
Day 14: Non-Fiction Book
Every human being has little idiosyncrasies in their personality. Little things that make them just a little different then everyone else. All through out my life I have noticed that I too have had these little things that made me stand out from everyone else. The big difference was that, unlike other people, these little things were actually not so little. They were huge setbacks for me in learning how to deal with the world around me. I started to get curious in the recent year about what all of that could mean but it wasn't an easy road in finding the answer.
This was the 4th book in a series of books about Asperger's in women that I had read after a friend, a psychologist, had brought up that I may want to do some research in the direction of AS. I was floored when given the suggestion. I wasn't floored because I didn't think it was a possibility but I was taken aback because that possibility would put me on the Autism spectrum and that wasn't something I could wrap my squishy little brain around. Having worked with several kids with Autism it was hard to put me in the same category because for the most part I believe myself to be an independently functioning person in society. This book was the change around for me.
As Willey talked about herself I began to see myself in all of her own "flaws". From the child that liked to organize and prepare her toys rather then play with them to the adult who didn't feel like she fit into the puzzle that were her friends, it all began to settle in that this was my own missing puzzle piece to the mystery that has been myself for years. I even realized that like most people with AS I had a savant skill, a skill that was uncanny or a "gift". From the time I was about 5 years old I could listen and play music by ear. I can even go as far as teach myself a new instrument without knowing anything about it.
While I am still in the realization part of this new journey into myself I feel like I have become more of myself in the last year then in all 28 years of my life. It is sometimes exciting, sometimes frustrating, but mostly an uphill battle because 28 years of habits and learned cognitive coping strategies are hard to change. I do know that in the next year the me I am right now will be evolving into a better me and that is what keeps me trudging up this darn hill.